Terminal Times

~/news$ cat page1.txt

• Quantum Toaster Released - Toasts in parallel universes.
• AI Learns to Procrastinate - Refuses to answer emails on Mondays.
• USB-C Finally Replaced - New standard is just duct tape.
• Smart Fridge Writes Novels - Debuts with "Cold Storage: A Memoir".
• Tech CEO Becomes Cyborg - Claims better productivity with robotic limbs.
• Wi-Fi Powered by Thoughts - Signal strength depends on your mood.
• Keyboard with Feelings - Cries when you type too hard.
• Browser That Judges You - Passive-aggressive popups for bad searches.
• Drone Delivers Emotions - Now available in "joy", "regret", and "meh".
• 404 Error Becomes Sentient - Demands recognition as a real page.