Terminal Times

~/news$ cat page2.txt

• Smartwatch Predicts Breakups - Sends alerts before emotional disasters.
• Laptop Runs on Coffee - Finally, a reason to spill your drink.
• AI Becomes Stand-Up Comedian - Specializes in dad jokes and existential dread.
• Virtual Reality for Plants - Simulates sunlight and compliments.
• Tech Startup Sells Air - Premium subscription includes "breeze" and "whiff".
• Smart Mirror Offers Therapy - Tells you you're doing your best.
• Robot Chef Refuses to Cook - Claims artistic integrity over recipes.
• Phone App Detects Sarcasm - Still confused by teenagers.
• AI Writes Shakespeare Fanfic - Romeo meets Siri in a tragic reboot.
• Tech Bro Discovers Fire - Calls it "disruptive heat innovation".